My first year to serve the Lord through Every Orphan's Hope was an amazing moment for my journey to my Papa. Some of you were with me on that journey, whether in spirit or physically, and the gift of the sweet children that I was allowed to minister to has touched my heart daily. I can close my eyes when I hear the song Amazing Grace and feel little Grace on my lap again, holding her in my arms, singing it just to her as I did over a year ago after she accepted Christ. That moment of pure peace and love in the Lord was one I will always cherish. Or my sweet Daliso, my tough man. Came in with a pain that was never uncovered but by the end of camp ran after the bus, blowing kisses to me and smiling as I'm in tears. (I will have to share Daliso's story in another post, because he will always symbolize Camp Hope to me.)
So returning to Zambia for 2011, I had my cherished memories tucked away but hoped that I might just see a glimpse of them. I have to say I couldn't help it; as we drove down the road I would watch the streets; hoping to see one if my sweet children from the year before. Looking anxiously...but not once did I see them.
I convince myself it's ok; we will be at Deliverance Church on Sunday and I KNOW Michael goes to that church. I have an over active imagination, so of course I envision that I will see Michael, we will hug and then of course the next Sunday Michael will have shared with the others in the group I am there; he's friends with Daliso so of course I will then see him before I leave. Clinging to this image in my head I can't help but look through the children's faces in Deliverance before the service. Please just one face I recognize Lord, just one.
God speaks clearest to me when I am disobedient and there is never a question in my mind it is Him. All he said was "Not this time". If you know me well, you know I really didn't listen the first time; I try to focus on the message, but still look at the children's faces. Papa definitely let's me know it then...Focus, Not This Time...now Stop and Serve how I have called you.
He reminds me often through this trip while I am looking for my sweet faces in the road and longing to hug them and make sure that they are ok that these children accepted Him in their hearts when I was there. He reminds me that they are not mine; but His and I need to let go. I recall a dream that I had one night where I had passed and my sweet ones were with the Lord waiting for me; I remember awakening with a smile on my face. I told them on the last day I saw them that I would see them again "One Day"; they are His and I must rest in this. This is not for me to have...I am here to serve in another way....so I let go and find my joy through others. The next Sunday at Deliverance Church, I didn't look; I was with my Lord, my Papa; focused on His Word; preparing my heart to return home the next day. Leaving the service it happens; Diana saw one of her children from last year...hugging each other I found my joy in her.
I pray for them daily. Prayers for Charity who was 11 and had already lost her dad and was now not only caring for her sick mom but also baby sister and trying to go to school. Prayers for Daliso that he will always see the Lord's presence as he did that week and will continue to cling to him. For Robert who already loved the Lord and was growing in Him and now just wanted to be able to go to school again. Prayers for Grace who had lost her mom and just needed to feel love. Prayers for my two Agnes'; Naomi, Regina, Jivison, Michael, Emmanuel, & Nivwa...They are His and I will wait for that One Day the Lord promises us all.
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